Snowflake
by dawneh
Summary: John Paul was devastated when Craig attacked him at the football game  but will his appology be enough and can Craig explain his reasons... episode rewrite


Craig sighed as he turned from Sonny Valentine's flat. What on earth had persuaded him to try and befriend that idiot in the first place? He didn't have a single thing in common with the younger boy and more to the point he didn't want to. But still he had accepted Sonny's invitation, why? The answer unexpectedly came into view as Craig began to descend the steps.

John Paul.

Craig hadn't meant to hurt him, hadn't meant to hit him or call him all those names. Craig hadn't meant to… but he still did it. Craig hadn't meant to push away his best friend, his only true friend but a moment of insecurity, of panic, had allowed him to destroy the greatest relationship he had ever known.

"John, hey John, John Paul, hey, just give us a minute," Craig called to the blonde haired man whose gentle face still bore the evidence of his recent beating.

John Paul turned as a hand caught his arm. He hadn't heard Craig calling as he was wrapped in the comforting escape of the music pumping through his earphones. Craig looked at John Paul with deep pleading eyes, begging him to remove the earphones so they could talk. For a second John Paul considered walking away. A part of him didn't think that Craig deserved a chance to make amends, but another part of him, a much larger part, hoped that Craig could say something to make the hurt go away and to bring their friendship back.

"Look erm, I'm sorry about what happened at the football match."

With a sigh John Paul turned to walk away. If that was the best Craig could do then there really was no hope.

"It was just all the stuff that people were saying about me being…" Craig's words faltered as John Paul looked at him with an unblinking stare, "…what?"

"I really thought you were different…" John Paul said with regret, "but you're not."

"Different? What, what, what you on about? Different in what way?"

"Oh don't worry… I didn't mean gay."

John Paul shook his head sadly. Falling in love with Craig Dean had hurt because he knew it would only ever be one sided. But losing his friendship hurt even more because that had been a relationship he thought he would always have; would always cherish.

Craig grabbed at John Paul's arm as he moved to leave again. "If you didn't think I was gay then why, why, why d'you try it on with me?"

John Paul looked at Craig with a sneer. "Forget it…" he said bitterly. If Craig was happy to carry on pretending that the kiss was all him then so be it, but John Paul didn't have to listen, he didn't have to be a party to those lies. No matter how much it might hurt it seemed that Craig was lost to him. The Craig he thought he knew would never have treated him so badly, would never have turned against him in support of the thugs on the football team.

Watching John Paul replace his earphones Craig clung to the only words he could think of to say. "Look mate… I'm sorry." Even in Craig's ears they sounded hollow and meaningless.

One word tore at John Paul's heart. The word he thought had been true. The word he thought really meant something. "Mate? Yeah right."

Craig stood in a silent despair as John Paul turned his back and walked away. For eighteen years Craig Dean had been a loner, an outcast, until the day he met John Paul McQueen. In that younger blonde haired boy he had found the kind of friendship that he thought only existed in movies, the kind of friendship that you would kill for, or die for.

For eighteen years Craig hadn't know what a best friend could mean and now, because of his own stupidity, he was watching that friendship walk away from him.

"John Paul wait…" Craig raced to catch up with his ex-best friend and grabbed his arms to spin the man around to face him. "Don't go… not like this… we need to talk…"

Pulling out his earphones John Paul looked into the desperation of Craig's eyes.

For seventeen years John Paul McQueen had been a loner, an outcast, until the day he met Craig Dean. In that older dark haired boy he had found the kind of friendship that he thought only existed in movies, the kind of friendship that you would kill for, or die for.

For seventeen years John Paul hadn't know what a best friend could mean and then that friend turned on him, attacked him, abused him and all because of who he was, of what he was.

"What is there left to say Craig?" John Paul asked with a defeated tone. How could they salvage things now? Took much had happened, too much had been said and too much had been done.

"We're friends aren't we..?"

"I used to think so," John Paul touched his fingers to his split lip, "But you managed to change my mind on that one."

"I didn't mean… I didn't want… god John Paul if I could take it back I'd…"

"You'd what?" John Paul's voice rose in anger, "You'd what Craig? You'd stand up for me in front of Sonny and that lot? You'd admit to being mates with the gay guy? Cause that's what I am Craig… I'm gay!" John Paul spat his last words at Craig in an attempt to make the man react. For as long as he could remember John Paul had been uncertain of his sexuality. The world had always been telling him what he should want but it wasn't until he met Craig that he knew, really knew, what it was he did want. John Paul McQueen was gay and if Craig couldn't handle that fact then their friendship was well and truly over.

"I know," Craig said quietly, "And I don't mind…"

"Oh that's big of you." John Paul's voice was heavy with sarcasm.

"That's not what I meant… John Paul please… give me a chance… let's just go somewhere and talk… please…"

John Paul looked carefully at the man who had changed his life. His dark eyes, so deep and soulful, they seemed to burn into John Paul with a fire that scorched him deep inside and yet the pain was worth bearing. His mouth curved in a half-hopeful smile as his head tilted slightly to one side.

"Please John Paul…" Craig's words were hardly a whisper.

John Paul felt the sudden urge to laugh as he reflected on Craig's choice of clothing. Only Craig could wear that cardigan, emblazoned with huge snowflakes, and not see the irony of it.

John Paul could still remember the feeling of Craig's mouth against his lips kissing him softly, and he could still remember the sting of Craig's fist crashing into his face, hurting him far more than just physically.

With a sigh John Paul realised he had two choices. He could walk away from Craig and never put himself in the position to be so hurt again. Or he could talk to the man and run the risk of being hurt more.

"OK," John Paul agreed, "We can talk…"

---

The McQueen house was empty when John Paul and Craig arrived. The journey had been made in silence as John Paul kept his eyes fixed firmly ahead of him and Craig prayed over and over to himself, and to any gods that might be listening, that he hadn't lost the best thing in his life.

Dropping his jacket and scarf onto the back of the sofa John Paul turned to Craig and fixed him with a steely gaze. The eyes that had once sparkled with a gentle blue as they looked at Craig lovingly were now a harsh metallic grey and the look they held showed no hint of love.

John Paul could never deny that he was in love with Craig, maybe he always would be, but at the same time he was a McQueen and he had learned from a very young age not to let people walk all over him. As much as John Paul wanted to hug Craig close and tell him that all was forgiven, as much as he wanted to reclaim the friendship that Craig had driven out of him with his fists John Paul knew he had to be strong, he had to be sure that when Craig said he was sorry he really meant it, he had to be sure that Craig would never let him down like that again.

"Well?" The word leapt from John Paul's mouth like the sting of a scorpion's tale and Craig took an involuntary step back.

"What?"

"You wanted to talk… so talk… tell me what you can have to say that makes what you did OK."

Craig shuffled uncomfortably and began to rub at his neck in a subconscious gesture of discomfort. John Paul's eyes looked so cold that he could feel the chill from them and his tone was so confrontational that they almost smacked Craig in the face.

"It's not OK," Craig said quietly, lowering his eyes to the floor, "What I did is never gonna be OK…"

"Well at least we agree on one thing…"

"But I am sorry… I didn't mean to…"

"Oh you didn't MEAN to," Craig's words were cut off by John Paul's bitter sarcasm, "Well as long as you didn't mean to… I didn't realise that you accidentally punched me in the face… accidentally called me a queer…"

"Please John Paul… just give me a chance."

"Why the hell should I Craig… eh… why should I?"

"We're mates…"

"We were… mates don't do that…"

"I know… I'm sorry… but I just..."

"What? Come on Craig." John Paul walked over to the man who had once been the best friend he had ever known and looked him squarely in the face. "Tell me Craig… tell me what made it all right for you to do this to me…" As he spoke John Paul gestured at the cuts and bruises that decorated his once perfect complexion. "Explain how my best mate could do that to me."

"I was scared…"

"Craig you think I haven't been scared through all this too?" John Paul's voice softened and his body relaxed as he looked at the deep confusion running through Craig's soft brown eyes. "But I thought I had a friend to support me…"

"You did… you do… I don't want to lose that John Paul, I really don't… before you I didn't know what it was like to have a best mate, to have someone who was always on my side…"

"Neither did I," John Paul replied with a sigh, "But my best mate turned on me… all yours did was…"

John Paul couldn't finish his sentence but the words still seemed to echo loudly around the room, "… all yours did was fall in love with you."

"That's what hurts the most… more than this," John Paul touched at the cut on his mouth, "That you could take their side against me… that you could do this to me…"

"Do you hate me?"

"Don't you think I have good reason to?"

"Yeah… but do you?"

John Paul looked at the man before him. That face he knew so well. That beautiful perfect smile and seductively dark eyes with unfathomably long lashes. That gorgeous, gentle, adorable man that haunted John Paul dreams and stalked his waking hours. That terrible, cruel, detestable man that hurt John Paul deeper than anyone else had ever managed before.

"No Craig, I don't hate you."

John Paul's reply made Craig feel wonderful but it also made him feel terrible. He deserved John Paul's hate, he deserved the man to be screaming at him, hitting him and telling him what an awful person he was. But John Paul did none of those things. John Paul just looked at him with those cold grey eyes that were filled with disappointment and Craig knew that that look would make him feel worse than anything else John Paul could ever do.

"Can we get past this?" Part of Craig thought that he had no right to even ask that question. He didn't deserve John Paul's friendship, he had already proved that but he needed it and that need spurred him on.

"I don't know," John Paul replied with a regretful honesty, "I need to know why Craig… if you can tell me why… explain to me what made you…"

"I was scared," Craig repeated.

"Of what? Of me?"

"Yes… no… I don't know…" Craig rubbed heavily at his neck and turned to look out of the McQueen's window. He couldn't talk, couldn't explain, under that constant unwavering gaze. "Ever since Hannah's birthday… everything changed… and I didn't know… I didn't know how to handle it… first you tell me you're in love with me, then you say it was a mistake…"

Without realising he was doing it John Paul walked slowly over to the window until he was standing only inches behind Craig. His fingers itched to touch Craig, to stroke that goddamn awful snowflake cardigan that Craig was wearing and to hold him.

Craig could feel John Paul's presence behind him and his body tingled at the closeness, but then that was half the problem wasn't it?

"… and then when you kissed me in the gym…"

"That's not what happened Craig," John Paul said quietly, "I've let you tell everyone else that's how it went… but there's only us here now… be honest with me please… I deserve that don't I?"

Craig took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could picture that moment in the school gym with almost perfect photographic clarity. He could feel the warmth of the alcohol flowing through his veins, the comfort in the love of his best friend and the smooth fabric of John Paul's jacket lapels clasped in his hands. But most of all he could feel the softness of John Paul's lips, the heat of his kiss and the thrill that raced through his body.

"When we kissed," Craig corrected, "I didn't know what it meant… for me… for us… and then everyone started saying I must be gay… Sarah, Hannah, Sonny… they all thought it…"

"And?" John Paul's hand had found its way to Craig's shoulder and rested there with a reassuring hold.

"And I got scared…"

"Scared about what?"

"That they might be right."

John Paul's breath caught in his throat, of all the things he had anticipated Craig saying that hadn't ever been one of them.

"Are they?" John Paul asked in a whisper.

Craig turned to face his friend. His dark eyes were filled with tears as he looked once again at the damage he had inflicted on John Paul. Both of John Paul's hands stroked gently and reassuringly over Craig's arms.

"Are they Craig?"

As he blinked tears tumbled down the gentle curve of Craig's cheeks. "I don't know," he said sadly, "I just don't know."

"Oh Craig!" All of John Paul's anger and hurt was forgotten as he looked into the confused depths of Craig's eyes. The man's long thick eyelashes held teardrops that were scattered onto his face as he blinked and his lips trembled with unspoken words or silent sobs, John Paul couldn't tell which.

"Craig why didn't you say something… talk to me…"

"Say what?" Craig voice cracked as he spoke. He silently wished that John Paul would stop stroking his arms so gently and he silently prayed that John Paul would never stop stroking his arms so lovingly. "What would I say John Paul? I still don't know… I still don't understand…"

"When did all this… how…" John Paul wasn't even sure what he wanted to ask but he knew he had to make Craig talk, to confront everything that he had been bottling up inside and to admit what he really felt, whatever that might be.

"When you… when you said you loved me I thought you must be crazy… you couldn't be saying that – not to me… but when you said you would leave… that I wouldn't have to see you again I knew I didn't want that…"

"Cause we were mates?"

"Yeah, that's what I said isn't it… p'raps that's even what I thought… I don't know… I just couldn't shake those words from my mind, I couldn't unhear you saying them… even when you took it back, said you didn't mean it I didn't believe you, I don't think I wanted to believe you…"

Craig's tears were flowing freely and he made no attempt to stop them, he didn't want to stop them. For so long he had held them in, held so much in that finally speaking the words was such a relief, he didn't know what he was saying, or thinking, or feeling, but John Paul was there and somehow Craig knew that it mean he was safe.

"And at the dance I said… I said I loved you…"

"I remember…"

"And we kissed and I… I…" Craig stopped talking, he wasn't certain it was a sentence he was ready to finish. John Paul didn't push Craig to carry on instead he stood patiently, his hands warm, even through the thick layer of Craig's cardigan, their touch almost burned into Craig's flesh and he knew he wanted more, that he had to say more.

"When we kissed I… I wanted it John Paul… I really wanted it… more that I ever had with Sarah or with Darlene or anyone… for that one moment I felt… real… like I mattered… like I was alive."

"So why did you push me off… why make out it was all me… why…" John Paul's tongue touched subconsciously at his cut mouth making Craig wince with a fresh hit of guilt. "Why hit me Craig, why do that?"

"Don't you see?" Craig's eyes were wide as if the realisation of his actions were only just becoming clear to him. "If I wanted it… if I enjoyed it… then… then what they were saying… what everyone was saying… well it must be true… If it felt so right then I must be gay…"

John Paul's right hand left Craig's arm and rested against the man's cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears.

"Would that be so bad Craig," John Paul asked gently, "Would it be the end of the world?"

"I don't know…" Craig answered in a breathless whisper as John Paul's thumb continued to caress his cheek long after the tears had been wiped away.

"What I did…" Craig reached trembling fingers to the cuts and bruises on John Paul's beautiful mouth, feeling the sting of each mark through his own flesh, "How could I do that to you? How can you ever forgive that? How can you even look at me after that?"

Craig's guilt and shame overpowered him and he dropped his gaze to the floor. He couldn't bear to look into those gentle blue eyes and see something there he didn't deserve. Craig tried to turn away from the constant presence of John Paul's touch but rather than let go John Paul cupped Craig's face and tilted it back towards him.

"I do forgive you Craig," John Paul said as he looked unwaveringly into the rich chocolate eyes staring back at him, "I forgive you because I love you…"

"But I don't deserve it…"

John Paul let out a soft laugh. "Isn't that up to me?"

"I'm so sorry John Paul, for everything… for what I said to you, for what I did… for kissing you…"

"No," John Paul said quickly, "Don't be sorry for that… whatever happens don't ever be sorry for that…"

"But if I hadn't," Craig reasoned, "If Hannah hadn't seen us then… then none of this would have happened… people wouldn't have found out about you and I wouldn't… I wouldn't have done that…"

"People were gonna find out eventually," John Paul replied, "Maybe NOT the way I would have chosen… as for everything else… it was worth it Craig… just to know how it felt to kiss you…"

"How did it feel?" Craig asked in a shaky whisper.

"Like I was alive," John Paul replied quietly.

"Alive," Craig echoed as he felt John Paul's hands slip to the back of his head.

Leaning forward John Paul hesitated, his lips were only a fraction of an inch from Craig's and he could feel the man's hot breath against his face.

"Do you want me to stop Craig?" John Paul asked making his lips brush over Craig's as he spoke.

Craig swallowed heavily. "No," he said in a hushed voice, "Make me feel alive."

John Paul's lips touched Craig's softly, tentatively, in a kiss more gentle and yet more powerful than any Craig had ever known. Craig's arms slid to John Paul's back, pulling him closer as the pressure of their kiss intensified. He waited for something to tell him this was wrong, for some feeling to make him want to stop but it never came. Holding John Paul close, kissing him and wanting him it felt more natural than anything ever had before and Craig couldn't believe that he had tried to fight against it for so long.

John Paul's lips parted as Craig's tongue pushed between them, eager for access to the heat of his mouth, an access that John Paul was more than willing to grant. The harder they kissed the sharper the pain became as the pressure against the cut on John Paul's lips increased but nothing would have made him want to stop, no pain could ever be greater than the pure joy of kissing Craig Dean.

Craig was suddenly aware of a sharp copper taste in his mouth and he pulled back in shock.

"God I'm… I'm so sorry…" he stammered as he saw a fresh bloom of blood coating John Paul's lips where his cut had reopened.

"It's OK," John Paul reassured him as the tip of his tongue pulled the blood into his mouth, "Really… it's OK…"

Craig ran his tongue over his lips nervously and realised that there were drops of John Paul's blood on them. The metallic taste filled his mouth and, rather than being appalled by it, Craig found his body trembling with unexpected arousal.

"It looks painful," Craig whispered as he stepped back into the circle of John Paul's arms.

"It's worth it," John Paul replied with a smile.

"Really?"

"Really."

Craig's mouth moved back against John Paul, but rather than kiss him he trailed his tongue over the younger man's lips, tasting the warm blood as his tongue pushed against the cut. John Paul's breath caught in a whimper at the fresh stab of pain and again Craig stepped back.

"It's OK," John Paul repeated as he pulled Craig against him, "Don't stop…"

Craig traced a fingertip over John Paul's lips, gently passing it over the deep cut with its fresh show of blood. Looking at the red smear on his finger Craig lowered his eyes sadly.

"I should never have done that to you… I wish I'd never…"

"It's over now," John Paul said softly taking Craig's hand and slowly sucking the blood from his finger. Craig's eyes widened as John Paul's tongue curled around him, the heat of his mouth enveloping the digit inside as he sucked harder and harder against it.

"John Paul…" Craig voice shook as he said the name.

"Hmm?" The vibrations of the sound ran from Craig's finger to the rest of his body.

"I… I want… I… Oh fuck!"

Pulling his finger from John Paul, Craig gripped the man's face firmly as he pushed his mouth against those beautiful damaged lips, kissing John Paul harder and with more need than he ever knew he could feel.

John Paul wrapped his arms around Craig's back and, as he pulled their bodies close together, he could feel the growing firmness in Craig's groin pressing into his own. A hit of pain sparked through his lip as Craig sucked it into his mouth, but it was a pain he relished because it was a pain that told him how much Craig wanted him.

Craig's tongue played over the cut on John Paul's lip, he hated the fact that he had inflicted such injury on that undeserving a man. But he also wondered if he hadn't let his fears get the better of him would he have ever managed to confront the deep-seated reason behind them.

John Paul's hands stroked down Craig's back, squeezing firmly at his buttocks and clawed his nails over Craig's thighs. Moaning into John Paul's mouth Craig pushed his groin harder into John Paul's as the ache in him became unbearable.

"John Paul…" The name was breathed in a deep throaty whisper.

"God Craig…" Looking into the rich chocolate brown of Craig's eyes John Paul something had replaced the earlier look of guilt, something that made his body shudder with anticipation, a look of absolute desire.

"Take me upstairs," Craig said as he stepped back from John Paul's embrace and curled his fingers around the man's hand.

"Are you sure about this?" John Paul asked nervously, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"No," Craig replied, "It's what I need… You're what I need…"

---

John Paul's bedroom seemed different. Craig had been there countless times before in his role as best friend but this was the first time he had stepped into the room as something more than that. Looking around Craig couldn't quite put his finger on what had changed, did it seem brighter, or bigger, or warmer? It was none of those things or possibly all of those things.

Closing the door John Paul slipped his arms lightly around Craig's waist and tilted his head to the side as he looked into the older man's deep chocolate eyes. John Paul had always believed Craig to be the stronger of the two, the more confident, the more sure of himself and it was a surprise to discover that Craig's doubts and insecurities ran as deeply as John Paul's own. John Paul couldn't hold back the smile as he saw the bright sparkle shining out from under Craig's thick dark lashes, a sparkle and something more. John Paul wasn't foolish enough to hope that it was love, not yet, but deep in Craig's eyes John Paul could see something that could grow into love if they both took the time to nurture it.

John Paul stroked his hand lightly over Craig's cheek before leaning it to kiss him gently. As John Paul's lips touched against Craig's the realisation of what was different hit Craig like a bolt of lightening and it was so obvious that it made him pull away from John Paul's kiss with a laugh.

"What?" John Paul asked with a slight awkwardness that his kiss could provoke such a reaction.

"Sorry, sorry," Craig replied still laughing, "It's not you… it's not… it's just I…"

"What? What is it?"

Taking a deep breath to control his giggles Craig looked into the mesmerising blue eyes that were frowning at him. It was so obvious. The room wasn't different and John Paul wasn't different… it was Craig Dean, he was what had changed, he was what was different.

John Paul's eyes were so filled with love as they looked at Craig that his laughter soon faded away. How had he never seen that look before? Or maybe he had and he'd just been blind to what it mean, unable or just unwilling to see the truth, but not any more.

Craig ran his hands over John Paul's face, stroking slowly down his neck before resting his palms against John Paul's chest, against his heart.

"For the first time since… I dunno… since Hannah's birthday…" Craig took a step forward breathing in deeply the scent of the miraculous man before him, "I'm not scared any more."

"No?"

"No, not as long as you're here."

"I'm here… as long as you want me I'll be here…"

"I want you," Craig said with his lips hovering a fraction over John Paul's, "I think maybe I always wanted you…"

Craig's tongue was hot and insistent as it explored the depths of John Paul's delicious mouth and John Paul sucked against it, pulling as much of Craig into him as he could. Once again their bodies pressed together and any lingering doubts were swept away as the need and desire deep within the two men intensified.

Craig gasped loudly as John Paul's hand brushed over his groin. It felt like being touched for the first time, as if every nerve in his body was electrified and John Paul had provided the spark. Craig's legs trembled and he held tightly onto John Paul as the man's hand pressed gently but firmly against him, arousing him through the confines of his trousers and sending pulses of desire through his body.

"Oh god John Paul," Craig panted as the hand against his groin massaged into him.

"Is this OK?" John Paul whispered with a touch of uncertainty, uncertain that what he was doing was right, uncertain that it was really what Craig wanted and most of all uncertain that this wonderful day was really happening.

"It's more than OK," Craig assured him, "It's unbelievable."

Craig didn't know what it was about John Paul's touch that made everything seem that bit more intense but it felt too good to question and all Craig really knew was how much he wanted it, and that he wanted more.

Pulling at the hem of John Paul's top Craig's hands sought the bare flesh beneath, clawing at his back and then stroking his chest as John Paul's hands fumbled with Craig's belt until finally winning access into his trousers.

John Paul trembled with nervous excitement as his hand slid inside Craig's boxers. No matter how many times John Paul had dreamed of this, no matter how many times he'd pictured it in his mind nothing had prepared him for the overwhelming sensation of curling his fingers around the fullness of Craig's fully aroused cock. The way it throbbed and twitched to his touch seemed all at once familiar and yet strange and new. But the most unexpected and exciting of all was the deep lusty moans that growled from Craig's throat as he tightened his grip and slowly stroked his hand along the length of Craig's cock.

It seemed to be that with some mutual unspoken agreement clothing began to fall unneeded to the floor. Craig stepped out of his trousers and boxers, pushing off his shoes and socks and they passed his feet and pulled down the zip of his cardigan to drop it to the ground.

John Paul looked up as he dropped his top to the floor and stopped Craig's hands as they released the bottom of his cardigan's zip.

"Don't," John Paul said as he marvelled at the gorgeous toned flesh peering out from beneath the patterned wool.

"What?"

"Leave it on…"

"My cardy? I thought you hated it…"

"So did I," John Paul said as he slid his hands underneath the warm woollen garment and pulled Craig's almost naked body against his own bare flesh, "But now I think it's kinda sexy…"

"Sexy?!"

"Yeah," John Paul ran his hand's over Craig's taught belly and brushed his fingertips over his firm cock, "It's very you… like it's a part of you… and you're the sexiest person I've ever seen…"

With slow insistent steps John Paul directed Craig towards the bed. John Paul had always thought he would be tentative when it came to sex with another man, as much as he wanted it he never expected to have the confidence he now felt with Craig. Sex with Hannah had seemed awkward and difficult, but then sex with Hannah had been wrong. Everything about touching Craig was right and, as he pushed Craig onto the bed, he had no doubts that Craig wanted this as much as he did.

Craig lay back against the mattress with his senses so heightened that he was fully aware of the softness of the pillow beneath his head and the cool cotton of the duvet cover beneath his back. But most of all he was aware of the heat of John Paul's hands as they passed over his body and the fire in John Paul's eyes as they looked deep inside him.

John Paul's mouth was firm and hungry as it pressed against Craig's lips and Craig welcomed the kiss as if he had been waiting for it all of his life. Their tongues swirled together as John Paul's fingers wrapped slowly around Craig's cock making the man moan into his mouth.

With his heart beating heavily in his chest John Paul let his lips trail over Craig's throat and onto his chest. Craig's nipples jumped to attention as John Paul's tongue passed over them and Craig let out a whimper of pleasure as John Paul's teeth nibbled gently against his flesh.

"God Craig I wanna… I…" John Paul looked up into Craig's eyes and trembled at the heavy lust that he saw there. His heart was pounding wildly and he desperately wanted to make Craig moan again, louder and longer, he wanted to hear Craig cry out his name. "I wanna taste you Craig… I wanna feel you in my mouth…"

Craig swallowed hard, John Paul's words alone were nearly enough to make him come and the thought of that beautiful mouth around his cock made Craig breathe heavily.

John Paul's tongue ran slowly down Craig's belly, following the fine trail of hair to his treasured destination. John Paul was shaking with nervous excitement as he brushed the tip of his tongue over Craig's cock, thrilling at the gasps of pleasure and the way the gorgeous member pulsed at his touch.

Licking his lips John Paul slowly and carefully took the head of Craig's cock into his mouth and sucked gently against it. He was fascinated by the salty taste of the drops of precum that ran over his tongue and John Paul probed his tongue against the slit at the head of Craig's cock, encouraging further drops to escape and run into his mouth.

Craig's fingers curled into John Paul's hair as the heat of the man's mouth wrapped around him. It wasn't the first time that someone had pleasured Craig in this way. But with the others, like Sarah, it had felt like an act performed begrudgingly, something he should be grateful they were willing to do. With John Paul it felt perfect, natural, as if John Paul wanted nothing more than to please Craig and, if Craig had been able to get inside John Paul's mind right then, he would have known that was exactly how the man felt.

As his confidence in what he was doing grew John Paul opened his mouth wider to Craig's cock pulling it deeper into him and sucking harder as Craig's moaning increased and his hips bucked involuntarily, forcing his cock further into John Paul's throat.

Craig's chest heaved with heavy pants, as the pressure inside him grew second upon second. John Paul's tongue constantly swirled over the length of his cock as he continued to suck against it. Craig's entire body shook with the oncoming arrival of his climax and his fingers gripped tighter into John Paul's hair as he moaned unintelligible sounds of pure pleasure.

John Paul could feel the heavy pulsing of Craig's cock inside his mouth and he tensed slightly in anticipation of what was to come, uncertain how he would react to the sudden rush of Craig's orgasm spilling into his mouth and at the same time desperate to make Craig come, to hear him come.

"Oh god John Paul…" Craig's voice trembled as his flesh contracted and his whole body spasmed, shaking violently as he came, his cock throbbing heavily into John Paul's throat as he cried out the man's name.

John Paul swallowed hard against the wave of heat that poured into his mouth, consuming every drop until Craig had no more to give and he relaxed limply against the bed.

"Oh my god John Paul," Craig panted as the blonde man made his way back up the bed, "I can't believe… that was so…" Craig's eyes were wide as his stunned brain searched for the words to describe the incredible sensations that his flesh had just experience.

John Paul smiled at the dazed look in Craig's eyes and kissed the man softly against his lips.

"How d'you feel?" John Paul asked quietly.

Reaching out his arms Craig pulled John Paul against him. "Alive," he replied softly.

The warmth of Craig's cardigan covered arms held John Paul contentedly as Craig's breathing slowly returned to normal. Running his fingertips down John Paul's side Craig became aware of the firmness of John Paul's cock pressing against him and he lowered his fingers to touch against it nervously.

"You don't have to," John Paul said as Craig's fingers curled around him, "Just being with you is enough." John Paul knew that finally admitting his fears and feelings had been a big step for Craig and as much as Craig's hand around him felt amazing he had no desire to push the man into anything he wasn't ready for.

"I know," Craig replied with a smile as he kissed John Paul's mouth tenderly, "But I want to… I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel…"

"You already do…" John Paul's words died away into a soft moan as Craig's grip on his cock tightened and began to move in a firm steady stroke.

Craig's nerves at touching another man so intimately were driven away by the all consuming look in John Paul's eyes. Nothing that made another person, that made John Paul, feel that good could ever be wrong.

"God Craig that feels incredible…" John Paul's mouth sought out Craig's with an increased hunger as the man's hand moved faster over his cock, making him moan loudly and curl his fingers into the softness of Craig's cardigan.

Craig's tongue slipped inside John Paul's mouth, tasting the place where his cock had so recently rested and so recently come, revelling in the sensation of kissing John Paul deeply and stroking him firmly.

John Paul's excitement was such that it was only a few minutes before he buried his face into Craig's neck, panting the man's name over and over as his body shuddered and his climax gushed hotly from him, spattering his belly and pouring over Craig's hand.

The two men lay silent for a while in the glow of the most wonderful afternoon of their lives.

"How d'you feel?" Craig asked as he ran his hand over John Paul's bare arm.

Raising himself up on one elbow John Paul looked down into the deep brown eyes that he adored. "Alive," he replied, "More alive than I have ever been before."

"Me too."

Kissing Craig softly John Paul felt a moments worry pass over his mind. In the space of an afternoon his relationship with Craig had changed completely, irreversibly, and he had to know what that would mean for the future.

"Craig?"

"Hmm?"

"What now?"

"How d'you mean."

"Us… what happens now?"

Craig looked into the azure pools of John Paul's eyes for a while before he answered. "I wanna be with you," he said finally.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It won't be easy… you know that…"

"I know," Craig wrapped his arms around John Paul and pulled the man against his chest, covering them both with the edges of his cardigan, "But I think we can do it… I think we can do anything if we're together…"

"I hope so…"

"I know so… and from now on I'm not gonna let anyone or anything spoil things… nothing in this world is worth the risk of losing you."

"Craig?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."


End file.
